Stand Up
by Echo Chambers
Summary: Kel is kicked out! Feeling she can't go home, Kel wanders through Tortal, penniless and common. Along the way she learns to stand up for everything she believes in, no matter what. When she finally decides to return to Corus, Tortal will never be the same
1. Chapter 1

**I'm not sure how this story will turn out. It may end up being like a lot of one-shots showing snap-shots of her travels. This is my idea of how Kel might have grown up if she was kicked out of training. Please don't hate' on me and start saying, "She is so OOC!' (Out Of Character) because in the end, she has become much more canon, if not a little more driven. It's a story about growth, and I think, having been an d11 year old myself and having known many eleven year old girls as friends, siblings and peers, that this is a more realistic version of her reactions to being kicked out than any I have seen on this sight. I may be wrong, but even those I admire most have human faults and none would react so calmly and maturely as most of the Kicked-Out Kel's in fan fiction. But do review: tell me if you disagree.**

**This is part of the song "Stand up" by Fireflight. I've altered it to show share parts that inspired me to write this story.**

Demons that I've tried to hide

Imprison me in my own lies

And all that I can do is cover up the proof

Don't be afraid to…

Stand up!

Stand up if you're broken

Stand up!

Stand up if you feel ashamed

You are not alone when you hurt this way

Stand up!

Stand up if you need love

Stand up!

This is not judgment day

You don't have to hide

There's no need to run

Everything will be okay

Don't run away

(Don't run away)

Don't be afraid…

"Pack your bags, and go home."

The words rung in her ears as she sat, shocked, on the edge of her bed. Her bag sat open and empty at her feet. Kel knew she needed to get started packing, but she couldn't force herself to move. All her life… all her dreams had come to a deadly halt like a porcelain vase dropped down the stairs. And no she sat looking at the pieces, their sharp edges stabbing at her heart. She had failed - failed herself, her family, her idol, everyone.

Out her open windows the sparrows chirped like usual. The sun was still shinning - it wasn't even raining. The final day was a far shot from the apocalypse that she had been expecting. A knock sounded at her door and her voice cracked uncontrollably as she answered it. "Y-yes?"

Neal poked his head through hesitantly. Upon seeing his young friend slumped so dejectedly upon the bed he knew what Wyldon had said. With a heavy sigh he stepped through the door and came to sit beside her, awkwardly patting her back.

Kel's breath hitched, and she clung to her Yamani mask in a desperate attempt to keep her sorrow hidden from Neal, but more importantly, herself. If she acknowledged it… Her mask slipped, running off her face like painted Yamani faces in the rain. Tears rolled like rivers from her eyes. She had failed.

Neal sat with her as she struggled with her emotions, feeling his own heart go out to the strong young woman beside him who had tried so very hard to prove herself to a man that just would not change. Like a raindrop trying to wear away the boulder, she just hadn't had enough time.

When the bell for light out rang, Neal stood, wincing at the stiffness in his knees, and looked at her nervously. But she had long stopped crying. It was the silence that bothered him the most. Quietly he said, "You'll say good-bye before you leave, right?" She nodded slowly, meeting his eyes for the first time that afternoon.

"Yes," she told him, her voice still croaking with tears. "You're a great friend, you know." He just smiled tightly and left. Kel forced herself together. She had to pack. She would be leaving in the morning.

Lighting the candles on her desk, Kel opened drawers and sorted through the papers and supplies shoved haphazardly within. Her acceptance letter was saved in there. Kel set the worn parchment aside in a special pile to tear apart with her bare hands. Other letters, of encouragement and hate alike, were set in that pile and slowly her angry grew. 'I was good!' she screamed at Wyldon in her mind. 'I was one of the best, and you were just too sexist to see it!!'

The candlelight flickered like the shadowy flames of hell and she felt a terrible fury well within her soul. They were wrong. She would prove them wrong! They would be sorry they'd ever got rid of her, because she would become better than them all!

Kel's hands shook in her fury, ripping the papers - school assignments, letters from home, and mental list's alike - into shreds. Feeling trapped, frustration welling to the top she shoved the papers away from her, flinging them into corners and beneath her desk. Grabbing her glaive she sliced it through the air, just missing her desk. She wanted to break it, she wanted to hurt something so that she wouldn't be the only thing breaking. But she didn't. Kel just whizzed through pattern dance after furious pattern dance, until her anger had been sweated away and her even her breeches were drenched in perspiration.

Only then, when her arms were shaking too much to hold the weapon, did she sink back down onto her knees in tears. She was so hurt. She was in so much pain. No one could understand how bad it hurt for her to have been kicked out. And then, as her harsh pants filled the room, she decided what she was going to do the next day. She would buy Peachblossom and ride the feisty gelding North for as far as she could go, and then just wander up in the mountains for a while. She couldn't go back to Mindelan in any case. Everyone would know she had failed and she couldn't take that. No, it would be better to be left alone in her shame.

Splashing water on her sweaty face Kel rolled onto the covers and fell asleep. Tomorrow she would clean, pack and say good-bye, before heading off. Tortal would come to regret ever letting her go.

The sun rose long after the heartbroken adolescent. Already the papers had burned to ashes and every lucky cat had been packed safely away amidst the cushioning cloth of breaches and tunics and socks alike. Kel was sitting on her desk, hair wet from a quick trip to the women's baths, watching the lazy sunrise. The optimistic pink streaks of another day were a sorely disappointing substitute for the blood red smears she had hoped would mark her unjust and forced departure. Her dreams were shattering, her very life was ending as she approached the dreaded time of departure. Rae, god of sun, could at least show some empathy.

A light hand knocked upon her door. It was the servant man. Kel called him in. His permanently sad-looking face made anger suddenly flare up in her unstable chest. Ruthlessly she squashed it. Kel refused to take out her problems on others. He had brought the usual morning things. Quietly she thanked him as he left. He didn't respond and another surge of anger licked up her throat. He could at least be thankful she acknowledged him! Not every noble would be that kind! Recently it seemed no one noticed the good things she did. Biting her foul tongue, Kel latched her gaze onto the tree outside her window and didn't trust herself to turn around until the door closed again.

The sun had almost struggled its way fully from the bellies of the distant mountains when the first bell rung. Slowly Kel stood, her sleeping legs tingling like sand and needles. Time to visit her friends.

The boys were gathered in Neal's room, he'd obviously talked to them the night before. Kel felt slightly relieved. It'd be fast a simple this way. She stepped fully into the room, and was mauled by an enthusiastic group hug. It calmed down much too quickly though, and there was no happy chatter. Still silence filled the air as they sat together, unsure of what to say. No one had really expected her to fail.

She cleared her throat awkwardly. "So, um, I'm leaving today…" she stammered, at a loss for what to say. "I, uh, I'm going to miss you all. I think I'll wander for a bit, maybe go back to the Islands. I really enjoyed it there…" the boys all looked sad.

"We'll miss you too, all of us," said Seaver.

"Yeah," came the chorus of boys eager to contribute to the conversation in a weak effort to make it less uncomfortable.

"Thanks," she said. And she really meant it. It felt great knowing that they'd miss her too. They, at least, appreciated her. "I'm sure I'll see you again someday, if anything I'll be back for your knighting. I'm not gonna chicken out an' miss your guys' ordeals," she said, trying to joke on the spot. But nothing was funny, not even to herself. The day was too serious. They just smiled sadly with her. She should've been taking on the Chamber with them.

"Well, Wyldon told me to be gone by second bell. So… I guess it's time to leave," she announced finally. They stood with her and followed her in a quiet crowd of support back to her chambers to grab her bag and to the stable where she handed Steffan all the gold she had. It was barely enough for the fine mount, but over her shoulder Neal flashed him a gold noble and he knew he'd get the rest.

On the feisty mount she waved good-bye one last time to her loved friends. It was almost like in the folk tales as a warrior left home for his great adventures. Only, her 'loved ones' were just a ragtag group of pages standing safely back from her horse. There was no fan fair, just sad wordless silence. But she felt more than a million word could express. She pursed her lips and held back the tears as she waved, before walking away, a choppy heavy gait that was far to casual for the moment. The guards hardly glanced at her as she left; no sorrow passed their faces. They didn't even know who she was. The wind was horribly still for the defining moment, and as she clip-clopped down the hill the world didn't even realize it was dooms day. No thunder ripped the sky; no rain or wind battered her broken form. Kel just rode on, tears falling down her face. She was leaving.

- - - - - -

**Do tell me what names I spelled wrong.**


	2. Chapter 2

**I am so thrilled by the number of reads I've received with this story! I have never had so many people read one of my pieces! And, 5 reviews without even begging?!! It's made my week.**

**Okay, this chapter is kind of odd, I hope I don't disappoint you, but I didn't originally plan for a travel scene, I just plunked it in because it seemed necessary. I hope yal don't hate it. The end is awkward, and a bit to fast, but I tried… Feel free to leave a review.**

The first days on the road were really hard. Having given all her money to Steffan to buy Peachblossom, Kel was hard pressed to find food. All her life she'd never realized how much she depended on other people. Here on the road she was forced to scavenge for meals, and found her skills to be quite lacking. The numerous vegetables she'd learned to recognize like the back of her hand in Practicalities Class were **so** much harder to find in real life! The little white flowered shrubs of Pennifer that had been so clear on the book page, hid themselves beneath thick bushes. The gold shoot of Rinnel camouflaged itself amongst weeds. Even the uniquely blue veined leaves of Helifre peeked tauntingly from the unreachable depths of prickly berry vines. As it was, the difficult search for food seemed to fill up her entire day yet still she hardly found enough to calm her growling stomach. Kel's recent ills, however, were not from the hunger, nor from her stomachache at having eaten a slightly poisonous look-alike of the Lyne Flower. No, her most annoying ailment was the chronic tingling of one or more limbs.

See, the lack of money meant not only lack of food but lack of a bed. And, as Kel figured out all to quickly, the hard and rocky, or worse muddy and squishy, ground of the outdoor world was much harsher to her than any of her folk-tale heroes. In fact, she'd never heard of a handsome knight traveling until it was too dark to see strait, and plopping down just off the road to sleep - unwarily - right next to an anthill. Kel shuddered at the thought. She could still feel them crawling up her neck.

The folk tales had left out many things, as Kel would soon come to discover. It was only six days since her departure - five days since she left Corus – and Kel had already encountered angry merchants who cussed her out when she came to close, evasive rabbits and squirrels that just wouldn't die from her off-target slingshot, damp wood that refused to light, and a trickling brook that was too muddy to be drunk. Plodding along on Peachblossom, Kel sighed. Living on her own was much harder than she had expected.

Of course, she wasn't failing horribly. She had already, on her very first night while sleeping in the lower streets of Corus, beaten off a young man who tried to take her bags. She and Peachblossom were a good team. Just so long as she was firm… with a strong nudge, she steered him away from the grass that looked so tempting. "None of that," she commanded. "You'll eat when we rest.".

The road itself was empty, and truthfully, quite boring. Kel supposed great knights had down time too, but no one ever wrote songs about trampling along well-worn dirt roads to the sound of a creaking saddle and chirping birds. No, that stuff was usually left out. So was the hard stuff, and things like not being able to find a place to bathe. The road to Corus, or away from if one was walking alongside Kel, was not near any major stream or river. She hoped she would find one soon though because her face was really oily. All over she felt just dirty. Travel grit, ground dirt, horsehair and warm-day-riding-sweat added up to one **big** need to wash. Looking on the bright side though, Kel added that to the list she was trying to create about why she was glad she was traveling alone. She had two reasons so far.

One: No one was there to see her when she cried about her failure.

Two: No one was there to smell her.

Kel had tried to add that no one was around to see her fail at cooking, but another person would probably help her find stuff to eat. She had also wanted to add that no one was around to interrupt her thoughtful silence, but they'd probably just cheer her up; after all the silence was full of more brooding and self-pitying than actual thinking.

As it was, Kel was alone, and had only walked by two people the whole day: a woman pushing a wheel barrow of cabbages, and an old man and his wife driving a wagon of some sort of fabrics. They had both been headed to the city. So, being alone and in silence, Kel's thoughts were quick to wander. They were even quicker to latch on to something horribly negative and unhelpful to someone trying to cheer them self up. Obviously, her thoughts latched onto the most painful thing – her failure.

She had thought a lot about Wyldon's parting words that week. "Girls are equals to men in many ways," He had begun once she was seated before his desk. It was a neat room, Spartan-like and strictly organized. His desk was blank. "They can argue just as persuasively and learn just as thoroughly things of history and math and of politics. Women can also work well in their trades and they can be firm with children like a father is." She had felt her hopes rise at the unexpected stream of compliments. Coming from Wyldon that was a lot. Perhaps he would let her stay…

"However," and Kel's hopes had plummeted. "Women are not as physically capable as men." So, that was the final verdict. She was too weak. She was too much of a _girl_. "For a woman, you are very strong," he continued. It was the first direct compliment she'd ever received from him. Somehow though, it stung worse than any insult. "For a man, you will never be better. Women are too small, or too light. You're arms will always be weaker, no matter how hard you train. It is just nature. It's the way things are.

"You are a determined girl," he had told her, gazing strait into her eyes. "But you are also very smart, so I know you recognize the truth in my words. Your efforts, this year, were admirable." Never before had compliments stabbed so violently at her heart. It felt like he was killing her, but everything he was saying was unbelievably kind. "But I will not be responsible for your death. No woman is fit for the battlefield. I will not permit you to train any more."

"But what about the Lioness," she had said, the words slipping off her tongue in a desperate attempt to change his mind. She was clinging on with all her might. She had to stay! Kel took a deep breath to force her mask to remain in place. She wouldn't let him see her cry.

"She should not be a knight. If it weren't for her Gift the differences between her and the men would have been too much." His words were sincere, blunt, and harsh. "As it is, she has depended on her comrades far too many times."

Kel had nothing more to say. His decision was unchangeable. She could see his resolve etched into every line of his face. She stood and bowed formally, stuffing any sorrow or defeat behind her famous Yamani mask. "Thank you for your words, sir." She couldn't bear to call it wisdom. It would be like giving in. He wasn't right. Well, factually he was… but she was an exception! The Lioness was an exception! And the Lioness could hold her own. She had proved it many times before in hundreds of duels! She didn't 'depend on her comrades'!

Wyldon nodded his head back respectfully. "I hope you think over what I have said, Kelandry of Mindelan." It was just Kelandry then, no 'page' before it. She had bowed again with a 'yes sir' before walking from the room. Just walking, not with a stride that might have been present had she been able to stay. Nor did she walk hesitantly, shuffling out with her head down. She had just walked, casually, out the door, letting it swing softly closed behind her. His steely eyes had followed her in unblinking observation until the door shut. Wyldon had wanted to see how she took it; he had wanted to see her weak. It would have been another reason on a long list of why she shouldn't have stayed. But she hadn't shown weakness, and her mind noted that quietly. There was one battle she had won.

On top of Peachblossom Kel shifted in her seat, her rear sore and her heart heavy. There was a certain truth to Wyldon's words. Her arms _were_ weaker; the lead lance for jousting had proved that. No boy would've struggled so embarrassingly. Of course, she had improved, but perhaps a boy would've already added more weight. She didn't know, but none of the other pages had done arm-strengthening exercises every night, and she had done them just to keep up.

But, Kel argued with herself, she was still one of the best fighters. When it came down to competitions, she was always in the semifinals at least. The glaive she carried with her, the hilt propped in her left stirrup, the middle of the staff resting against her shoulder, proved another strength. She had been taught well by the Yamani people, and had still able to best her mother when they had last practiced before she left for the training.

She hadn't practiced all week though. She didn't want to think about fighting, not when her mind was in such turmoil over that very subject. So, instead, she had packed her bow and the practice sword she'd forged herself (as mandatory of all pages) in the saddlebags and demoted her precious glaive to the position of walking staff, which she poked about in vines and bushes while scavenging for food.

As the sun began to near the horizon, Kel dismounted and stepped off the road. Her shoulders weren't slumped. She held her head naturally high as she scavenged, Peachblossom trailing behind. Her mind kept wandering and her shoulders stiffened. She would show them all. She would return one day, road wise and battle hardened, and they would regret letting her go. She smirked inside; the corners of her mouth twitched upwards despite her Yamani mask. She would not be broken or defeated. Eating some Rinnel shoots raw she stopped in the next clearing she came to and settled into a fighting stance. Brandishing the Glaive before her, she cleared her mind as she began to move. She would win. To do that, she would practice, so decided Kelandry of Mindelan.

**A/N: I apologize for the late update. PLEASE REVIEW and I'll try to update sooner.**


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